Perfectionism.

I am not perfect. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do more and to be better. I want to be the best and that is stressful. I have ADHD. I don’t want that to be an excuse. I don’t want that to limit me. Which just makes me push myself harder. So much so that it paralyzes me sometimes. The anxiety gets too intense. Getting out of bed is a battle. I wakeup and instantly am overwhelmed by an impossible list of things to accomplish. I lay in bed watching the time flash by and growing more enraged with the fact that I am working against myself. I fill my head with doubts and by the time I roll out of bed I am a ball of negativity.
I am not perfect. I know living that way isn’t healthy. I make an effort to wakeup earlier, to lessen the workload, to plan and prioritize and most importantly to breathe. There is no deadline, appointment, work shift or other engagement more important than my health. I struggle some days to remember this, but I make an effort. I am amazing, worthy and loved. Even if I am the only person that believes so, I am. I think that it is important to take even just 5 minutes a day to stretch and just refocus. It is easy to get lost in the chaos of the day and lose sight of the light in life.
I am not perfect and that’s okay.

Find me on Instagram: darcylan

Purpose.

“I’ve seen you move mountains. I believe I’ll see you do it again.” – Elevation Worship

I have been struggling lately with my purpose. It is easy for me to be open and active on social media when I feel passion and my faith is strong. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I don’t like sharing thoughts of doubt or fear. It is those very things though that allow God to work through me. It is my weaknesses that can help others. Life isn’t always about sunshine and happiness. There are seasons of being tested and growth. There are seasons that are full of frustration and strong doubt of being capable of handling certain tasks. It’s not that we can’t though. It’s that we can’t do it alone. There’s no reason for us to carry it all on our shoulders. I believe that our first instinct is to fear. When all we have to do is pray. Just pray and say, “I can’t do this alone. I need you.” That very thing seems to be the most difficult.
I have been struggling with my purpose for some time. I have been branching out. I have been talking to new people, talking about new things, bouncing ideas off of others, listening to what their passions are. It has been thrilling. I can confidently say that the only things that ignite a fire in me are plant based diets, health, fitness and mental health. That’s not news though. I guess it’s a reoccurring thing because I keep trying to ignore it and divert my energy elsewhere. It’s time to face it head on. It’s time to figure out how exactly these things fit into my life and how I can focus on them.

Any ideas?!
What’s your passion?

Find me on Instagram: darcylan

Update!ย 

The past 30 days have been filled with change! I got serious about veganism. I went full force into being plant based. Eat, sleep, dream veggies and fruits! Haha, but seriously. When I first started my transition just about a year ago I was all about processed foods and potatoes. It was vegan and so it was okay! The weight fell off. I got into a bad habit of losing 5 pounds and then relaxing on my workouts/diet. I would do enough just to maintain. I’d maintain for a month and then clean up my diet and refocus my workout routine. Over the past 30 days I remained consistent and the results were 8 pounds, a pant size and dramatically less bloating. Which brings my year total to about 47 ish pounds and 4 pant sizes! Yikes! 

However, my little brother was here this lasts weekend and I fell off track. Which is sad because why waste my efforts. So I’m bloated. It’s okay though. Progress, guys. Not perfection! 

How are your goals going?! What’s your current favorite workout or meal?! 

Cardio!ย 

Is it just me or is cardio totally worth suffering through just for the endorphins that flood your body after?! People always ask me how I stick to working out. The simple answer is: “I’m not always consistent, but I always make my way back to the gym because of the way it makes me feel!” Sure, I get sore, weights are heavy, cardio is draining but at the end of it, my body and mind are happy! 

“My body isn’t meant for working out.” “You’re lucky that you can workout.” Like, no. Everyone starts somewhere. “What’s in motion stays in motion.”-Science. Lol, but seriously. If you’re always sitting on the couch, why would your body wake up one day and want to go workout? It doesn’t know what working out is. It will need time to adjust. It will adjust and it will love you for it. Your mind will quit before your body will. So get up and get moving! 

THAT vegan.ย 

Scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed tonight, I found a gem. 

I’m from San Antonio, Texas. Mexican food is on every block. Most prized possession: barbacoa tacos! Or as everyone else in the world knows it: the meat from a cow’s head. 

A woman in San Antonio found teeth in her barbacoa. An acquaintance from middle school shared it and added, “grosssss”. 

lol what’s truly gross though is that people are so desensitized that they don’t even realize the meat they so often consume is an animal. Animal have teeth, fur, tongues, eyeballs, skin…normal things. We take that life, rip off parts of their body, package it, take it home and consume it as if it’s normal. Yet finding teeth mixed in with meat is gross. Where’s the logic? ๐Ÿ‘€

So of course I shared it and added that meat comes from animals and animals have teeth!  Making me….that crazy vegan that reminds people that they’re eating animals. 

The Future.ย 

I’ve mentioned before that college doesn’t seem to be my jam. I’m good at college but ultimately, it just isn’t for me. Does that mean I’m dropping out? Nah! 

I’ve realized that what I’m passionate about is veganism. I want to help others-which has always been my drive. I love helping others. I thought I would accomplish that through nursing. Which, I just might..in addition to being a health coach. I plan to finish my degree. After all, I have 1.5 years left of school. In the grand scheme of things, that’s not long at all. 

I know that I could create meal plans and workout guides while coaching people. I have enough knowledge on the subjects. I just have one concern, in what way? I could get into Beachbody or Herbalife, I could get a personal trainer certification. I could get nutrition and health coaching certificates. I’m just not sure what my pathway is yet. 

Any advice? 

Vegan & Why.

As a baby, I would scream day and night. Nothing would calm me. My parents were told that I was lactose intolerant and so gave me lactaid drops. Also, throw a dash of incredibly sensitive skin into the mix. Some lovely steroid cream was prescribed. 

Growing up, I had digestion issues, rarely ate vegetables and couldn’t name a fruit other than watermelon and apples. Keep in mind, my dad is from Japan and my mom is from Trinidad. We ate a lot of meat and rice with the occasional broccoli and ranch. 

Yes, I did say ranch. Which has milk in it. I didn’t understand lactose intolerance. I knew dairy products hurt my stomach but I thought that was normal. My stomach would bloat 3x its regular size and I would be in pain for days. I’m pretty sure it’s a dairy allergy. Not just lactose intolerance. Throw into the mix that I ate meat every single day. Which has the same effect as dairy but in addition,  flairs my eczema too. 

Somewhere around 2013 I cut out pork, gluten and poultry. I still ate dairy and pretty much lived on tilapia(ew). My family didn’t understand and still tried to force bacon, pork tenderloin and pasta on me. I was sticking with my plan though. I lost excess weight, my skin cleared up and I was in the best shape of my life. I maintained that for a year. As soon as the year ended, I was back to eating the Standard American Diet.  Mostly because it was more convenient. Somewhere through the years I settled with tilapia and tons of vegetables. 

In May 2015, I met my boyfriend. We’ll call him A. A is from Puerto Rico. If you know anything about Puerto Rican’s or any islander really, you know they love their pork and rice. I reintroduced pork into my life. The obsession with fried pork chops and rice became real. From November 2015-January 2016, I managed to gain 35lbs. Yes, 35lbs ๐Ÿ‘€. I was mentally and physically tired. I couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without stopping to catch my breath. My feet and knees hurt constantly. None of my clothes fit, so I wore loose dresses. My allergies were worse than ever before. I could barely get out of bed to shower some days. I had horrible migraines, my neck hurt 24/7 and I was nauseous. I was depressed and crippled with anxiety. I couldn’t even imagine happiness. I tried to diet but I was always hungry. I wanted to workout but I could barely get out of bed. I wanted to be happy but how? 

In March 2016, we moved to Central Florida. I left everything and everyone I knew. A worked long hours and I was home alone feeling my absolute worst. I found myself spending hours watching YouTube videos. I stumbled across some vegan YouTubers. At first it was just interesting, then I realized: this is my solution. After a few weeks, I took the plunge. Around my 23rd birthday I started implementing my transition. It was difficult. I won’t lie. I didn’t know what to eat besides potatoes and I certainly didn’t know how to cook them in a healthy way. I just thought oil and salt! I would go through about 15 pounds of potatoes a week. ๐Ÿ‘€That’s not healthy, but I thought vegan=health. I lost a few pounds which motivated me to start walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes a day. As we all know, eating a diet of just potatoes drenched in oil and salt is literally french fries. I was living on french fries. Which is a terrifying thought to think of now. My weightloss stalled but my eczema cleared up!

 I joined a gym and tried to eat more vegetables. I became obsessed with salads and pico de gallo. Which of course I only bought at Whole Foods…because that’s where vegans shop, right? (lol NO!). Fast forward to August, classes started and I was too busy to care about anything. I went back to a Standard American Diet, again. I gained about 5 pounds and hovered around that area. I began to feel sluggish and the headaches returned. I cut meat drastically. Perhaps about once or twice a week. Things were okay but definitely not good. I maintained that until Christmas 2016. Christmas Day I ate chorizo and decided meat was okay for consumption! 

I gained another 5 pounds, became sluggish and have had a horrible patch of eczema on my neck since Christmas. 

March 13th, I decided I would stop harming my body by consuming things it cannot handle. Avocados, bananas, cauliflower, dairy, and meat cause some very uncomfortable reactions for me. So it’s clear that veganism is fit for me. 

I’ve decided to do a 30 day challenge for myself just to see what working out consistently and maintaining a balanced vegan diet can do. 

We’ll see what happens! 

Today is just not my day! 

I’m pretty sure I bombed my lab practical and that’s making me super anxious about my exam on Thursday. I need to study, study, study while I can. The plan was to eat ice cream and study all night buuuuuut I can’t find decent vegan ice cream anywhere. Not that Artic Zero or Soy Delicious Coconut stuff, because that’s not ice cream, that’s just offensive. There’s lactose free but lactose isn’t my problem. ๐Ÿ˜ญ I was thinking about settling because I’m that desperate for ice cream and I have a migraine setting in. However, I would be in major pain for the next 24 ish hours if I do that so I decided not. Which is super disappointing because I drove around for an hour in rush hour traffic…in Central Florida  to every store I could think of and nothing! 

Fast forward to now, I just got home. I’m sitting in the car trying to come up with a plan to get my head back in the game because I cannot have a breakdown right before a major exam. 

Soooo, that’s where I’m at! Lol

How’s your day?!