Perfectionism.

I am not perfect. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do more and to be better. I want to be the best and that is stressful. I have ADHD. I don’t want that to be an excuse. I don’t want that to limit me. Which just makes me push myself harder. So much so that it paralyzes me sometimes. The anxiety gets too intense. Getting out of bed is a battle. I wakeup and instantly am overwhelmed by an impossible list of things to accomplish. I lay in bed watching the time flash by and growing more enraged with the fact that I am working against myself. I fill my head with doubts and by the time I roll out of bed I am a ball of negativity.
I am not perfect. I know living that way isn’t healthy. I make an effort to wakeup earlier, to lessen the workload, to plan and prioritize and most importantly to breathe. There is no deadline, appointment, work shift or other engagement more important than my health. I struggle some days to remember this, but I make an effort. I am amazing, worthy and loved. Even if I am the only person that believes so, I am. I think that it is important to take even just 5 minutes a day to stretch and just refocus. It is easy to get lost in the chaos of the day and lose sight of the light in life.
I am not perfect and that’s okay.

Find me on Instagram: darcylan

Purpose.

“I’ve seen you move mountains. I believe I’ll see you do it again.” – Elevation Worship

I have been struggling lately with my purpose. It is easy for me to be open and active on social media when I feel passion and my faith is strong. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I don’t like sharing thoughts of doubt or fear. It is those very things though that allow God to work through me. It is my weaknesses that can help others. Life isn’t always about sunshine and happiness. There are seasons of being tested and growth. There are seasons that are full of frustration and strong doubt of being capable of handling certain tasks. It’s not that we can’t though. It’s that we can’t do it alone. There’s no reason for us to carry it all on our shoulders. I believe that our first instinct is to fear. When all we have to do is pray. Just pray and say, “I can’t do this alone. I need you.” That very thing seems to be the most difficult.
I have been struggling with my purpose for some time. I have been branching out. I have been talking to new people, talking about new things, bouncing ideas off of others, listening to what their passions are. It has been thrilling. I can confidently say that the only things that ignite a fire in me are plant based diets, health, fitness and mental health. That’s not news though. I guess it’s a reoccurring thing because I keep trying to ignore it and divert my energy elsewhere. It’s time to face it head on. It’s time to figure out how exactly these things fit into my life and how I can focus on them.

Any ideas?!
What’s your passion?

Find me on Instagram: darcylan

Finals.

Finals are next week. The most dreaded week of the semester. It’s not so much the exams that worry me. It’s the amount of work that’s crammed into the last two weeks because why not have three exams and four quizzes for one class back to back?!It’s the lack of time. It’s the super long nights that aren’t by choice. It’s the amount of caffeine and lack of water. It’s the sense of urgency that lingers. It’s the guilt that sets in when I take a minute to breathe and I feel as though I could be magically conquering the mound of a to do list that keeps growing instead of disappearing. Two weeks of adrenaline. One week off for energy levels to stabilize and then Summer semester starts. I’m excited about Summer semester!

 

Anyone else prepping for finals?! What are your study habits like? Any tips?!

Find me on Instagram: darcylan 

Update! 

The past 30 days have been filled with change! I got serious about veganism. I went full force into being plant based. Eat, sleep, dream veggies and fruits! Haha, but seriously. When I first started my transition just about a year ago I was all about processed foods and potatoes. It was vegan and so it was okay! The weight fell off. I got into a bad habit of losing 5 pounds and then relaxing on my workouts/diet. I would do enough just to maintain. I’d maintain for a month and then clean up my diet and refocus my workout routine. Over the past 30 days I remained consistent and the results were 8 pounds, a pant size and dramatically less bloating. Which brings my year total to about 47 ish pounds and 4 pant sizes! Yikes! 

However, my little brother was here this lasts weekend and I fell off track. Which is sad because why waste my efforts. So I’m bloated. It’s okay though. Progress, guys. Not perfection! 

How are your goals going?! What’s your current favorite workout or meal?! 

Today is just not my day! 

I’m pretty sure I bombed my lab practical and that’s making me super anxious about my exam on Thursday. I need to study, study, study while I can. The plan was to eat ice cream and study all night buuuuuut I can’t find decent vegan ice cream anywhere. Not that Artic Zero or Soy Delicious Coconut stuff, because that’s not ice cream, that’s just offensive. There’s lactose free but lactose isn’t my problem. 😭 I was thinking about settling because I’m that desperate for ice cream and I have a migraine setting in. However, I would be in major pain for the next 24 ish hours if I do that so I decided not. Which is super disappointing because I drove around for an hour in rush hour traffic…in Central Florida  to every store I could think of and nothing! 

Fast forward to now, I just got home. I’m sitting in the car trying to come up with a plan to get my head back in the game because I cannot have a breakdown right before a major exam. 

Soooo, that’s where I’m at! Lol

How’s your day?! 

Last semester I finished my classes in advance because I was intrigued. I picked up a part time job halfway through the semester because I finished my classes and I was bored. I made the President’s List and received scholarships to cover my Spring tuition. 
Fast forward to Spring semester and I am bored out of my mind. I have zero interest in my studies and am struggling to stay focused while studying.  I didn’t study nearly enough for any of my first exams. I failed my first test in my college career and honestly, I’m not even bothered by it. 
ADHD means I’m all in or I’m completely out. I’m impulsive and irritable. I lack control of my focus. I’m horribly forgetful and I haven’t been retaining information as easily as usual. 
I have a notebook to write down things I need to remember. I have a desk calendar so that I can visualize important dates and manage my time. I even set alarms on my phone to remind me I have class. 
Studying hasn’t been going well. Not for a lack of trying though. I have been trying several things that have worked before. I have different colored pens, sticky notes, I draw pictures and I only study in natural light. Nothing is working. I know I’m time it will come together but to struggle at something so simple is a confidence killer. 
I’m frustrated that I can’t get it together.